rev: this game is called 'spank elsa butt'.and it's likely to get me banned on twitch. the general premise is exactly what youthink it is. (slapping noise) (poor screaming effect)i just slapped her ass at 239 miles per hour. this is in with a bunch of children'sgames! but imagine my hand ssssplintering through your ass at 232 miles an hour. "mercy?" there's no fucking mercy!mercy left my soul long ago. i don't know where to start with this image.and look at this. and this. and the artifacting from the spongebob background!and this (splutters) i mean, we haven't gotten even into this shit.
i'm gonna have to run a few virus scans after i'm done with this, for sure. i wanna point out that i can stream overwatch at 60fps. this game... look at- th-this, this is not stream lag.we're not dropping frames this is just how the game runs. if you're squeamish, i would suggest looking away until i'm done cutting her legs apart. we gotta put the cocaine... on her open cuts, which i'm sure does not cause any sort of health problems. just directly applying cocaine to your skin.again, remember this: this is for children. people in chat are squeamish about the actions that i'm having to take in order to cure... ...elsa of her mermaid-ness.
and now we dress her up! she looks like she's in perfect health now! (sarcasm) normally i'd save that kind of shit for the end.but this website is, like, an endless font of bullshit. (awful music starts playing) you're scared? you haven't seen the depths of hell andyou're scared?! we're just at the gates, motherfucker! we're not even there yet! (more awful music)and then touch her tits? no, we're just doing that. (dejectedly) 'kay. that's good animation.
it's very slight. she's asleep now, so it's okayfor us to do dental surgery on her. (sarcasm) is that a baseball bat? i would understand a syringe or something, but we're using a baseball bat to solve a problem with her mouth. a'right.(smacking noise) (rev chuckles) (more smacking) i don't think this is how youtreat poison. anyway, here are all the exclusive games,they look like quality shit.
[music: 'atlantis' from theme hospital]there's a surprising number of these that are based around, uh, elsa losing weight. she already lost a significant amount ofweight in, like, one week. why is she getting, like, fishman scales? cover up with a blanket, wait one minute, and... i thought that was gonna remove thisand it was just gonna be her tits out. and i-uh-i didn'twanna have to deal with that. it was gonna be like, "abracadabra, here are her tits." 'elsa time travel china'? what? 'queen elsa time travel: china'.
and we're going backinto the past! with the power of... bad tweeninganimations! and so now we're in ancient china? perfect! she'll blend inno matter what time era we bring her to! no one will ever know! there's no sound,there's no music, it's just... here. this is 'spongebob fart'.it looks like he's cumming out of his ass. "spongebob squarepants...eat too much junk food." "he ate a bad stomach and a lot of...very loud fart."
"he and patrick are waiting for a bus.he cannot hold to put." "he will in... the auto generated noise sneak out and not let patrick heard." (sound of car passing by) (rev goes into a laughing fit) ohh, spongebob, what the fuck happened there?! ahhh-heh! that face! i have to do it again, i have to do it again! hold on! (rev has a giggle fit) ahhh, yes!
what is 'mario fart 2'? is it anything like mario kart? i want it to be like mario kart, but with farting. 'game story: one day... wake up!" "mario brothers found their tools gone.in order to find these tools back..." "...they learn fart skill from king of fart legendary." (farting noise)mario farts red, which is probably blood! uhm, which is probably not good.(farting noise) i kinda wanna see... uh, 'dora find kitty'.
i'm a little concerned what the possible end results of that could be, but... "control: only click the mouse." so i just click on things until theobjective is completed. she just struck down in the mouse hole, why not?!why not?! "only click mouse", right? .....oh no. elsa, what the fuck is wrong withyour nose? "elsa challenged olaf to challenge the ice bucket.let's help olaf to get it." why she half-naked?
'dora riding motorcycle'.fuck yeah! i'm all about dora riding motorcycle.that is an amazing concept. it's like driving on ice. oh no. (poor motorcycle sound effect)tetsuo! no swiping! tetsuooo! what is 'cross fire'? (bubbling sound effect) so this one of the other games available.
(thunder crash) (another thunder crash) (very distorted, poorly done metal/rock music beings to play) (electricity noise) (faint police sirens)(more electricity noise) (music fades out) rev: what the fuck? (gunshot) in-game voice:"unbelievable!" (gunshots)um...
rev, chuckling: this is my favorite 'frozen' game. okay! "in the second world war, the nazi weapons...are very advanced... so the union army..." (slowed down and distorted) "union army..." "...sent a spy to perform a task, and the task is to destroy the enemy's new tanks." watch his- watch his eyes,right before he blinks. that's just creepy, isn't it? that was a weird-ass shopping list, but we broughtit to the beach with us. we stole the cart. so... good. 'elsa lipsuction surgery'.
run for the hills, kids!'cause shit's about to get weird. she's not reacting at all to the fact that she's getting stabbed... she's used to the fact that she getsjust thousands of needles in her. every day. it's an educational game, for the kids. and then we wrap her up with, uh,saran wrap to keep her fresh. make sure to add some paper towels in there, uh, so that way, it, um, doesn't dry out too quickly... ...and doesn't get the brown sortof look too fast. that's how you save your elsas for long amounts of time in the refrigerator. "shit".
(spring noise)it doesn't care, it doesn't know. you can't fail this game.
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