>> [ groans ] [ birds chirping ] your birthday party sucks, derek. this is so boring. hey, let's get him! >> aah! ow! ow! [ groaning ] [ farting ]
[ helicopter blades whirring ] [ chuckles ] that helicopter's farting! great party, derek! >> let's get one thing straight. when kids get bored, kids get violent. it's a sad fact, mom and dad. protect yourself and your
family. get your kids the one toy they'll never get bored of -- fart copter. >> ♪ one hell of a copter ♪ the toy that sounds like a fart ♪ ♪ fart copter >> [ gagging, coughing ]
[ laughter ] >> aah! >> ♪ fart copter >> every kid knows helicopters are cool as hell and fart noises are funny. put those two together, and you've got yourself the number-one-selling toy in the
world -- fart copter. but don't take my word for it. look at these charts. at the age of 5, a child learns to express himself with violence. look at this chart. [ indistinct shouting ] damn. those kids are violent.
better get them a fart copter! >> ♪ the toy that sounds like >> when michael turned 5, he -- he started changing. he become bored with everything -- ipads, iphones, xbox, you name it. soon he got violent, beating up other kids, even teenagers.
fart copter was the only thing that seemed to make him happy. >> ♪ look at that copter ♪ wow, it makes a fart >> wow! thanks, fart copter! >> it was his favorite toy. he would play with fart copter all day long, laughing at the simulated noise it makes.
at night, he would even sleep with it. ♪ did you smell its fart? >> but before long, he lost interest in everything else but that silly toy. he became obsessed. he would laugh over and over and over at the same fart noise for
hours -- at the same fart, not even different ones. >> it wasn't funny anymore. it became...scary. >> so we took it away. we wouldn't let him have it anymore, and then he attacked us. [ ominous music plays ]
he, uh, smashed my face in over and over, with his bare hands. i had to have reconstructive surgery. [ heart monitor beeping ] [ ventilator hissing ] >> i also had to have my face reconstructed with surgery. and while i was under, richard
authorized my doctors to do breast-augmentation surgery and liposuction, a butt implant, et cetera, et cetera. >> i just assumed it would be okay. >> it's...fine. i'm fine. >> the point is, fart copter
changed our whole lives, and not really for the better. >> i can't feel my torso. >> we want our old lives back! >> we want our son back. >> your son? [ chuckles ] give me a break. what kind of parents take away your favorite toy?
tell me! >> it's the perfect gift for boys or girls, and you'll like it 'cause of the fart part? i don't want to be here anymore. i'm scared. >> just say the line, buddy, all right? daddy's right here.
>> fart copter is fun for me and fun for you [exhales sharply] and everyone loves farts. [ breathes deeply ] >> and now listen to this kid! >> come on, justin. just do it like we practice. then we get to go home. >> the uav 4000 death hawk.
these unmanned vehicles have proved to be a deadly asset to the u.s. military in our theater of warfare all over the world. >> ♪ unmanned aerial vehicles >> ♪ just for killing >> ♪ also called a drone >> we've re-engineered them for civilian use, and we're
redeploying them into the public sector. its lightweight and low noise allows the death hawk to fly unnoticed anywhere today's enemy may hide. the death hawk doesn't hesitate to bring hellfire from above. and now it can bring
fun-sounding fart noises, too. >> look, i don't know anything about this company you're involved with, michael. all i know is you're my son and i love you. please! no more fart copter! and no more phony british accent!
>> sweetheart, baby, why do you talk like that? >> like what? i knew i shouldn't have had you guys on the show. >> we're worried sick about you! >> well, you don't have to worry about me anymore. i've got everything i need right
here! fart copter always makes me happy, and it'll make your child happy, too! >> no! this ends now! >> what did you do?! >> i'll tell you what i did. i planned this, michael. it's an intervention, son.
>> are we gonna be on that tv show, "kid interventions"? >> no. it's supposed to be our own private thing. it's just us. these cameras shouldn't be filming. just sit down, son.
>> why are grammy and peepaw here with sissy? >> 'cause we love you, michael. grammy was too sad to come herself, but she sent this picture, so it's just like she was here. >> this blows. i'm supposed to be at the mall
having sex. >> you hear that? apologize to your sister. now, let's go around and share our letters for michael >> no! i don't want to listen to this. i want to play with fart copter! >> shut up and listen!
>> grammy wrote this. "sweet, sweet michael, i remember the day you were born. we went to see you in the hospital, and me and your peepaw were like, 'whoa, this baby just ain't right.' your face was covered in blood and afterbirth.
and even after they wiped that off, you had this kind of evil look on your face. i've always been scared of you. that's why i didn't come today. and also i can just watch it on 'kid interventions.' i just hope that if you decide to kill us all in our sleep,
maybe you'll kill me last. love, grammy." aww. that's -- that's sweet, grammy. that's sweet. >> yeah, that was lovely, peepaw, did you have something you wanted to share with michael?
>> oh, oh, yes, yes. [ clears throat ] "michael, this is so hard for us, being on tv for the first time like this, on this stupid channel, in the middle of the night with nobody watching. and for what? because you get your jollies
with a toy helicopter. damn it, boy, that's embarrassing! your grammy and me always wanted to be on a cool show like "hillbilly reach-around" or "shaving bigfoot." i'm so pissed off at you, i'm sick, boy.
but if you're gonna kill us, i agree you should kill your grammy first. peepaw." >> okay. thanks, peepaw. uh, sissy, your turn. >> [ sighs ] "dwight, i know i said i'd meet you at the mall to have sex, but
i don't think i can make it now. my dipshit brother is addicted to the boners he gets from the farts that come out of some dumbass helicopter he plays with. so, yeah, anyway, it sucks. also, the last time we fooled around was not cool because it
was in the bathrooms by the food court and some guy filmed it and it went viral, so everyone knows me as 'mall skank toilet girl' now. but, michael, seriously, if you are gonna kill us, i definitely think you should kill grammy first.
sissy." >> okay. thanks, toilet girl. now, if everyone would fly their fart copter into the circle. now, keep them steady. now, uh, hit the fart button one last time for michael. >> [ electronic voice ] out of farts.
[ beep ] out of farts. >> no. no! >> out of farts. >> let them die. [ garbled speaking ] >> [ distorted ] out of farts. >> [ crying ] out of fa-a-a-a...
>> i'm so sorry, everyone. >> it's okay, son. >> i'm so sorry. >> be strong, michael. >> we love you, michael. >> sweetie, what's that sound? >> michael? son? what did you do?! aah!
>> ohh! >> ohh! aah! >> my brain hurts! >> [ groaning ] >> ow! >> i told you to kill her first! [ farting continues ] [ glass breaking ] [ farting stops ]
♪ one hell of a copter
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